How to Enjoy the Process, Not Just the Outcome

As a child I was always impatient to get to the end of the car journey, frequently asking my parents, ‘Are we nearly there yet?’ So in my twenties, it was a revelation when a friend said to me, ‘The holiday starts when you leave home and the journey is part of it. We need to buy fun snacks and treat the car journey as part of the fun.’

These memories have come back to me lately as I have been reflecting on what it means to learn to love the process rather than strive for an outcome.

I seem to have chosen hobbies and spiritual practices that take time as well as patience and that I am not actually very good at! For example, long-distance running and meditation. I am a slow runner and a distracted meditator! Maybe that is the point. It is not about attaining a certain goal in either activity but actually about the process of practising regularly. I will always be a very ordinary runner and I am pretty sure I will always struggle to meditate but both running and meditation now form part of my rhythm of spiritual practice during every ordinary week. Yes, I may be working towards a particular goal like a running event or meditation retreat, but those are there to give a reason to remain consistent in my practice because I believe that the process of practising is what is shaping me to live the kind of life that I aspire to live. The practice of both running outdoors and sitting still in silent prayer takes me out of my anxious striving to stay ahead in a busy world and resets me more to the rhythms of my body, soul and the natural world.

I have had to learn a lot of this the hard way. A few years ago I trained very hard for a half marathon and had a certain goal time that I wanted to finish in. When the day arrived, it was extremely hot and I was overly ambitious. I started out too fast, got dehydrated and had to walk a lot in the second half of the race. Needless to say, I missed my target time by a long shot. However, as I reflected, I realised I didn't feel as disappointed as I expected – instead, I was proud of all the effort and consistency I had brought to the months of training before the race.

Most of the time, we have very little control over what happens on our goal day (running race, exam, job interview or whatever it might be). The weather, traffic or other unexpected events can scupper our best-laid plans. However, if we can determine how we show up to the practice then this is what begins to shape how we show up in the world day after day. After all, race day or the exam is just one day out of many – training or the learning journey is where we actually spend most of our time. Where we live our life. If we're only happy when we reach a goal, we sacrifice the majority of our experience. If we can enjoy the process then we can make the most of the here and now and the joy of the practice in the everyday.

Why I am learning to love the process

The love of the training process has continued for me. I am still training for long-distance running events, and that journey gives me runs in beautiful places, being out in the fresh air and spending time with friends. I accept the fact that I am not getting faster and I am not a skilled runner. I am a very average person who can show up with love and consistency and experience joy in the journey. It's not a question of success or failure on race day, that's just the culmination of all the training, a celebration of consistent effort if you like.

Enjoy the process

So whatever you want to practise, focus on small steps and consistency. Find something you enjoy so you will want to practise.

Track what you put in, not what you get out. For me this is things like completed training runs rather than improvement in speed.

Loving the process doesn't mean never having goals

I know I said earlier that the process is more important than the outcome but I am not saying don't have goals!

Goals are good because I would never have fallen in love with trail running if I hadn't had a goal a decade ago to run 5 km without stopping. That goal got me into consistent practice and now running 3 times a week is part of my rhythm … so of course, having a goal has meant that I practise and practising has made me fitter and able to run further so that 10 years later I am training for a much longer event in November … and I am loving the training. I am aware I might not finish the race on the day (there is a cut-off time) but that will not be a disaster because the training journey has been the joy.

So goals can be good because they provide direction but it's the process that provides fulfilment. We need both, but only one can sustain us every day.

If you enjoy the practice you are more likely to practise more, become consistent and reap the benefits.

And this can be applied to anything – meditation, prayer or any other practice, spiritual or otherwise.

It's practice not perfection, process not outcome, journey not destination.

Someone said to me recently, ‘Don't ask “Am I good enough?”, ask “Am I showing up with love?”’ and that has stayed with me.

If I am showing up with love then I will happily continue with the practice or the process even if the outcome isn't guaranteed.

What is one part of your life where you could enjoy the journey rather than wait for the destination?

Spiritual direction is a good place to notice the areas of life where practice, process and journey bring more joy and freedom than achieving outcomes.